omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
