You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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