i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
