some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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