Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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