DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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