We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i think i have two assholes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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