I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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