Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize