I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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