Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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