i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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