I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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