The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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