I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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