i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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