Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
