my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
