U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
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Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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