i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
