dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That accounts for only three of the penises
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
