Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
