I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
