I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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