Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
