her vagine was all disorganized.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
