Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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