Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
