I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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