You're so nebulous sometimes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
