we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
