I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
