my sisters under your porch take her home
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
