So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
