You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
