So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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