She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
