i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
