My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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