He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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