this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
