Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
