Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You may now shotgun with the bride
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
