I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
