mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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