i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize