Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
