omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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