trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
