$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
