I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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