Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
