Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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