I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
