Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
