i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
