Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I party with great urgency now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
