I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
