Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
