It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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