guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
