Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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