He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
