A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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