Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
