Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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