for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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