New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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