I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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