Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
