Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
