The maid of honor just puked.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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