I look better un-naked...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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